Is "having difficult conversations" on your Top 10 Things I Enjoy Doing list?
I doubt it.
As humans, we often avoid having difficult conversations because we make the conversation about what it means for us - not the person we need to have the conversation with. We worry about saying the wrong thing, making someone angry (or worse, causing them to cry), and causing stress in the relationship.
It's not about you.
It's about providing guidance or correction to someone on your team so they can learn and grow. It's about addressing a problem with empathy so someone has an opportunity to improve. It's about speaking truth to strengthen the relationship.
It's about them.
You are human, which means you're likely still thinking about what this means for you. (It's ok, we're all working on it.)
So, here are some Emotional Intelligence and Emergenetics tips to help you prepare for that difficult conversation:
Check your perspective. What is your "horn"?
Do you recognize how your "horn" might be shaping how you see the situation?
Self-awareness is the starting point for evaluating how to approach a difficult conversation.
What unconscious bias might you be bringing to the conversation?
Reflecting on what experiences you've had in the past (both positive and negative) might shape your approach.
How can you look past your "horn" and bring empathy to the conversation?
Consider what else might be affecting the individual or contributing to the situation you need to discuss.
Let's get practical using Emergenetics to shape difficult conversations
Understanding the thinking and behavioral preferences of the individual you need to have the difficult conversation with (as well as your own) can help shape the way you approach the conversation.
(And, if you don't know their preferences, I've found that these are all best practices regardless of profile type!)
Give a heads-up about the topic you’d like to discuss when possible.
Consider the pace at which you need to have your discussion.
Stay focused on the topic at hand before moving on to others.
Bring facts and ask questions.
Provide specific examples and next steps.
Show empathy and assume positive intent.
Embrace new perspectives and possible solutions.
If you'd like to explore these in detail, I'd recommend this blog post from Emergenetics.
If you'd like to understand the role of emotional intelligence and empathy in shaping difficult conversations, check out this video from Brene Brown.
Is your team having an upcoming meeting where you'd like to "shake things up" and try a different way of working together to have these hard conversations? I am an expert facilitator who can help you navigate or reimagine your meetings. If you're curious, schedule an exploratory call here.
See the human first. (And remember, you're human, too.)